Taffy Newell
Peter Douglas writes:
1. The father of one of my fellow pupils was a butcher,
and for a physics class on optics, with prior arrangement with Taffy Newell, he
brought a cow’s eye to school! It was larger than I expected, and, of
course, a horrible object, with shreds of flesh still clinging to the pale,
two-inch orb. We were appalled and fascinated at the same time, and more
so when, with no apparent qualms, Taffy took a knife and proceeded to dissect
the eye. The tough outer wall of the sclera was split, the vitreous humour
spilled, and its innards were revealed. All the time Taffy lilting voice
was casually commenting on what we were seeing - the muscles that moved the eye,
the lens, the retina. I remember being shocked at the intense blue of the
retina as Taffy held the thing up for us all to see. I wasn’t the only one
to skip supper that day!
2. During another physics class, Taffy was in full spate as usual.
It was something to do with density because I remember asking Taffy which was
heavier, ice or water. His answer embarrassed me, unnecessarily I thought,
and I didn’t like it. Solids are usually heavier than liquids; it seemed a
reasonable question. “Well ice is lighter that water, of course,” he said.
“That’s why it floats!” he cried. He didn’t say, You idiot, but I got the
message.
I felt my face grow hot and red, and I looked daggers at him. He went on
and on about hydrogen bonding and how a certain mass of ice occupies more space
than the same mass of water, or something. Just as his mouth was open wide
to deliver another witty gibe or tedious fact, there was a faint “clack” and we
were surprised to see not the dark hole of his open mouth but a mass of white.
The upper plate of his dentures had fallen and he had a mouthful of teeth!
He recovered well and made a joke of it, and the accrued tension was dissipated.
3. It was 1960 and we were doing O Levels in the gym. Taffy Newell
was one of the teachers invigilating, wandering around to see that we didn’t
cheat or talk or anything else inappropriate. After a time, the sky grew
dark and lightning flashed and the roar of thunder reached us. Taffy
looked around and with a too-loud whisper announced to the anxious gathering:
“Sounds like they’re doing GCE up in heaven!”
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